Look at the bar above and follow my exploits, trial and tribulations of the Nokia 1020 mobile phone as I test one for 2 weeks. Hopefully updates will be daily.
Please feel free to correct me on any of these. (Originally found on Tumblr)
The Moment Of Death:
1. The heart stops.
2. The skin gets tight and ashen in color.
3. All the muscles relax.
4. The bladder and bowels empty.
5. The body temperature begins to drop 1 1/2 degrees Fahrenheit per hour.
After 30 minutes:
6. The skin gets purple and waxy.
7. The lips, fingernails, and toenails fade to a pale color.
8. Blood pools at the bottom of the body.
9. The hands and feet turn blue.
10. The eyes sink into the skull.
After 4 hours:
11. Rigor mortis has set in.
12. The purpling of the skin and the pooling of the blood continue.
13. Rigor continues to tighten muscles for another 24 hours or so.
After 12 hours:
14. The body is in full rigor mortis.
After 24 hours:
15. The body is now the temperature of the surrounding environment.
16. In males, the semen dies.
17. The head and neck are now a greenish-blue color.
18. The greenish-blue color spreads to the rest of the body.
19. There is a pervasive smell of rotting meat.
After 3 days:
20. The gas in the body tissues forms large blisters on the skin.
21. The whole body begins to bloat and swell grotesquely.
22. Fluids leak from the mouth, nose, vagina, and rectum.
After 3 weeks:
23. The skin, hair, and nails are so loose they can easily be pulled off the corpse.
24. The skin bursts open on many places on the body.
25. Decomposition will continue until the body is nothing but skelital remains, a process that can take a month or so in hot climates, and two months or more in cold climates.
Warning these ‘jokes’ may make you groan or run for your sanity. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time….
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to
our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can
get one cheaper off the web.
check her balance, so I pushed her over.Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my
says Mick “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”
girlfriend yet …. I’m still pursuing her.
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid…….then I was petrified.
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all his clothes back.
Having a ramble about a character on Supernatural.
Thank you and good night.
I have recently tweeted out about the fact that one of my greatest achievements is rescuing a ‘Depressed Bulimic Barn Owl’. This may have confused a few people so since the tale cannot be done in 140 characters, here is the story.
On a cold drizzly October Friday morning I was on my way to work. I work at a local FE college and my class started at 8.30am (yes it is a bad time). So every morning I go down a local by-pass, always within the speed limit of course!, and was about 3/4 of the way along when I noticed by the central barrier a soggy looking barn owl sat there.
My brain went ‘that’s not right’.
At the same time a police car went by….. did they stop or do what I did did they heck as like. Now I think the job the police do is a shite one, but this was the first time that they have ignored a job. The second time when I broke down on a very busy roundabout and they ignored me.
So, back to my tale. I drove onto the roundabout at the bottom of the by-pass, went around it, back down the other way of the road, went around the roundabout at the top and back onto my original destination. Now having to drive in the ‘fast lane’ slowing down to slow speed, with your hazards on’ to stop and pick up a barn owl WILL get you honked at.
I stopped and got out of the car and went to the barn owl. This rescueing has now got me to carry in my car an ’animal rescue kit’ : animal carry case, blankets, thick leather gloves. So I carefully picked up the owl, placed in well of car and drove to work.
At work I collected a small box from the reprographics room and placed said owl in that. Judith who works in there was alright with the owl when she thought it was alive, but considering that it wasn’t moving much, then decided that it was dead and jumped about 6 feet back. When I stated that if it was dead it wasn’t going to attack her, she did feel a bit silly. So if you are following me, owl is now safety in blanket in box. Up I trot to the engineering department staff room. The only person in at that time is Kay my boss.
Looking at the box with a quizzical eye, I explained what had happened. Luckily she knows me so really didn’t bat an eyelid about my exploits. We devised a plan of attack, first of all try and contact the World Owl Trust, which is located at Muncaster. At that time of the morning there was no answer. Onto plan B, phone up the RSPCA.
Now I really respect the work that the RSPCA inspectors and re-homing centres do. However, the people who man their call centre do not give a hoot about animals in my opinion. They must work in a call centre that is not only for the RSPCA but probably other companies as well. I had a bit of a barny with the person on the phone who actually asked me ‘Why didn’t you just leave it on the side of the road in the rain?’. When he did decide to try and be helpful he stated that the RSPCA would not do anything and there was no inspectors available. He did state that he could give me a vets number so I could take it there. When I said that it was not necessary I would take it to my own, which was closer and opened earlier, he really then got all jobsworth about taking details down etc.
I looked over at my boss and explained that I would have to take it to my local vets as the RSPCA were about as much use as a chocolate teapot. It was now 8.20am and my class started in 10 mins. Kay, being the star that she is, informed me that she would cover my class and that I was to take owl to my vets. Off I went.
I arrived at the vets, with said owl and they took it in. It survived the day when I called back later, they didn’t think it would. Round one to the owl. Over the weekend, one of the fab vets took the owl home and cared for it. When I called back on Monday I was informed that it has survived the weekend and could the vet call me back. I agreed.
Later on that afternoon I was called by Alison, the vet who had looked after the owl, and asked if I could take it to Knoxwood Animal Rescue centre as the vets had contacted them and they had agreed to take in the owl. The vets could not get there due to work commitments etc. I agreed to the 70 mile round trip. So at the end of the working day, off I pop to Egremont, pick up an owl and take it to a rescue centre.
You think it ends there …. oh no.
A few days after I dropped it off I gave Knoxwood a call to see how it was getting on. It was at this time I discovered that Barn Owls can get depressed and just give up on life, especially if their mate had died. Also, when they had tried to feed it the normal amount at normal feeding time spans, it threw up the food. So they had to feed it small amounts every hour. Hence the Depressed Bulimic Barn Owl. About two weeks later they gave me a call to say that it it started to eat normally and was a bit happier so they moved it in the the aviary for winter. When I called back in the spring, it had survived winter and had been released back into the wild. So all in all a happy tale.
So all if you can, please go to http://www.knoxwood.org/ and support this worthy local charity, it is family run and desperatly need your help so that more animals can be looked after.
See the above link on the menu bar for photos that I have uploaded.
OK this is kind of the stuff I need to drive: More stuff to be added soon! I need to edit – be scarred. I blame my ex – Kevin Buchanan. He is one of the coolest peps I know but his music choice really affected me!
One of my most favorite festive days of the year is tomorow. Halloween or Samhain.
I have always enjoyed this day, even when younger and it wasn’t as big in the UK as it is now but I always went out Trick or Treating.
This year’s window display will not be as engineered as previous ones as we have two fab Americans up the road who seem to be going great guns, they have been testing stuff out! So I have decided to go for more of a geek theme. I guess not many people will get it but hey ho. It make my geek bone laugh.
As for treats, I normally get through about 60 apples each year as there are a lot of children in the area where I live. Most of them seem really pleased to get a piece of fruit, although some of the ‘older’ ones are less impressed. However, I am often less impressed by their attempt at costume. A Scream Mask only, does not a costume make!
So it’s off to the local supermarket for me know to buy them apples and then carve pumpkins. I am a pumpkin carving virgin so only knows what I will end up with. When I was younger we used to do Swede. I have no idea why.
I will get some pictures done of my decorations tomorrow and post them up.
Now I must confess upfront that I was multi-tasking during the event streaming this evening. I was trying to take part in HNC level fluid mechanics lesson, watch the event on my iPad in front of me and update ‘The Hubs’ on the stuff that was happening in California. So if I have missed anything please let me know in the comments.
The event started on time, which is a good thing, lovely looking venue and nice lighting. Normal numbers and figures bit to start off with. 5 million iPhone’s sold in the first weekend. Yada, yada, yada, cue slap on back video with some very excited people getting their new phones. It then moved onto the new touch and nano iPods, not too much of a focus on these and then onto iOS 6. Same kind of pattern for the beginning of these events. The only thing that seemed to slip under the radar was the new version of iBooks with scrolling instead of ‘page turning’ and it seems there is some integration with social media. Will have to have a play around with it but I really do like my Kindle for reading. It doesn’t hurt your nose too much when you fall asleep reading in bed compared to an iPad. I speak from many a personal experience on the topic.
Lets cut to the reason we all watch or were interested – hardware.
Starting with MacBooks. Now I am very close to this particular type of Mac computer, I am typing on one at this very moment, it’s called Burt and is a 15inch from the Mid 2009 vintage. I have however been tempted to get a MacBook Air for a more portable device due to the fact that Burt weighs a lot, compared to newer models.
The model that was introduced at this event was a 13-inch MacBook Pro which was stated as being 1.9 cm thick. The 13inch MB Air is 1.7mm so not much of a difference between the two on this front . The weight of both the MB Pro and MB Air are 1.62kg and 1.34kg receptively. You can get a quicker processor on the new Retina Model and it does come with 8GB as standard, so an improvement there. The increase of an extra Thunderbolt port plus a HMDI port on the latest model plus an SDXC card slot. Both also have 128GB Flash storage. I personally do not think that the addition of an improved viewing screen and some extra ports (I have no idea what I would use one Thunderbolt with in my house let alone two) is worth the extra £450 for the basic entry level model for both. What I would use it for would not be for the types of things that would let it shine. I do like the fact that they have really concentrated on the recycling and green angle of the product. Considering that we are expected to upgrade each time a new model comes out, what do we do with the old one?
Moving onto to the Mac Mini. I will admit that I thought that Apple would be phasing this out. It was originally designed to be the ‘entry level’ conversion computer. I think a lot of people have used the iPad etc and that has now effectively taken over the role of luring people away from the Windows environment. Oh how wrong I was when they have updated this little beast as well as the server model. Seems quite reasonably priced if you already have a monitor and keyboard/mouse compared with the larger iMacs. Typing of which….
An updated iMac was unveiled, literally on stage. It is thinner, being only 5mm at the edges and the parts have been ‘bonded together’. There is no optical drive, but let’s face it, if anyone was going to phase this out of a computer first it was going to be Apple, they did it with disk drives. “No Optical Drive!” I hear you cry, do not fret, an external drive will be available. Probably knowing Apple and a inflated price
Less glare on the screen due to a funky coating and new inners with Core i5 or i7 processors, NVIDIA Kepler graphics, up to 768GB of flash or 3TB HDD, and 32GB of RAM. The ports that are available are Four USB 3.0 ports and three Thunderbolt ports. Also, you can choose between different size ‘Fusion Drives’, which is Apples own name. This is a 128GB flash storage combined with either a 1 or 3GB HDD. Best of both worlds. The iOS is placed on this flash storage. Applications are also meant to be put on it so that things will start up quicker and documents etc will be stored on the HDD drive. On the summary screens it mentioned over 300 nits brightness. Who knew that bugs that infect your hair could be so illuminating?
The one reason why everyone was here was to be told about the new, not so kept secret mini iPad. So it came as no great surprise when the next topics were iPads. A bit of patting on back figures regarding sales and market share and Tim Cook telling us that he loves us. I know from experience that iPads do work well in education so that bit was a bit of a ‘Yes I know this already’ moment. If you don’t already know there is an app called iBook Author which allows you to create your own interactive text books etc. I have had a play around on it but not much. There is a new version being released which builds on the previous fonts and templates. Working as an engineering tutor, I often have to deal with a lot of maths equations. On Apple stuff they are a pain to put in as you have to do them from an external source. Not anymore, the new iBooks Author has an update that means that you can do this within the app. I may be using it more to do such a thing. Not only for the subjects I teach but also producing assignments for the HNC course I am doing. No more swearing at Pages I hope!
Now to the bit that I admit got my goat and I felt that Apple did the dirty on us. On the 16th March 2012, this year, a new iPad 3rd Gen was release. Now only 7 months on they go and release the 4th GEN. WTF??? Less than a year between upgrades. Not a happy kitty here. Are they trying to tell me that what they did release back in March was not what they wanted to? That they just shoved something out onto the market because it was time in the product cycle. Okay it has a new processor which is designed to make it to iPhone 5 levels of speed and graphics performance. The Facetime camera has also been upgraded to 720p and a new camera connector. However, surely the could have waited until next year to release it. I was going to build up a collection of all the iPads over the year. Currently the household has 1st, 2nd and 3rd Gen models, but if Apple are going to do two a year I won’t be able to. They have kept the price the same as the last model with all these new things but I still am not happy with the space between the releases
So I think that most peps out there can finally get to guess what the last item was… iPad mini. It has a 7.9 inch screen, is 7.2mm thick and weighs about 308 grams. This would not hurt my nose if it fell on it! It is not a retina display model so all of the apps etc that work on the iPad 2 will run quite happily on this device. There came the inevitable comparison with an Android tablet, in this case it seemed to be the Nexus 7. Apple are basically saying ‘we are better on all fronts’. All except one – the price.
How much will it cost for this mini iPad? For the basic Wifi 16GB model about £269. Compare that with the Kindle Fire HD £159 (with ad enabled lock screen) or the Nexus 7 at £159 (Yes it is only 8GB). Granted it is still £30 cheaper that the Samsung Galaxy Tab 7.7. I think I would rather go for the Fire, think of all the books etc you could get for that £110. If you went for the even cheaper option of the Kindle Fire (not HD) at £129 you could put even more money towards content. Also being release later this month is the Kindle Owners Lending Library, providing you are an Amazon Prime member, you can choose from about 200,000 to borrow! All that for only 93 grams more and 3.1mm thicker.
Apple I think have chosen the wrong pricing point for this model. If it was planning to blow the Nexus 7 or Kindle Fire out of the water, it forgot its cannon. I am not sure if they have even left port.
And that was it. Tim Cook left the stage, no Foo Fighters or any other bands to play him off. Just went…. As did some of my love for Apple. Now don’t get me wrong I am still an Apple fan-cougar but I feel that they are starting to think that they can charge what they want and people will still buy it. Yes, they probably will but I for one will not be rushing out to by an iPad 4 or an iPad mini. I will quite happily be sticking with (yes they are named after Muppets): Cookie (iPad 1), Gaffer (iPad 3) and Animal (kindle) as well as Burt and Gonzo my iPhone 4s.
(Updated 24/10/12 for proofreading reasons)