Batwench
Ramblings of a Mad Welsh Cat Lady

Preview – Coming Soon…

     Posted on April 23rd, 2018 by batwench

At the moment I am working on my ‘Moist List’ you have been warned.

I am also putting together some information on my Home in The Sun, nope not the Gower near Swansea, but Tenerife in the Canary Isles. This may mean a redesign in the look of this website, just sorting out the skelington of it and the adding the flesh.

Look out for it soon.

Could Have Had A Better Start To The Morning

     Posted on March 7th, 2018 by batwench

First of all, let it be known for those who have not met me in person, that I always aspired to be a mad old cat lady. It would seem that I have reached the mad cat lady stage earlier on that I had thought. Actually I am a mad animal lady as I have been known to rescue from the side of the road a depressed bulimic barn owl (will tell you all that story at a later date).

Today was not a good start to the day, not only did I not have time to have a cup of team before I left for work but I also had to deal with a poor run over kitty before said tea.

Now it has has been know for me to call up my boss on the way in with the words “I am going to be late in today, I am rescuing a run over kitten”. To which, my boss answered “OK I will see you when I see you”. Now that is a boss who I liked to work for, my current one is just as fab. Not all bosses are arseholes.

Back to this morning, driving down the approach to work I noticed just on the other side of the road a poor run over kitty. Know I know that there are some people in the world who are not as pleasant or kind as I would like everyone to be, and also as already mentioned I am a mad cat lady, would see this as a target to ‘smush’. So instead of taking the left turn to go to the works car park I went around the roundabout and doubled back on myself. Pulled into the side of the road, put on my hazards, and got out of the car. Goddess knows what the drivers on the way into work must have thought, but considering Basil (the name of my car) has cat stickers on it, it may have given a clue. So I moved the poor little kitty from the middle of the road to the verge so it would not be targeted.

Now a lot of people have a fear of dead things. This I do not understand as it is not as if they can do do you a lot of harm. Well apart from passing on some diseases. They are not going to jump up and attack zombie style. The poor kitty had really be hit and it, from the look of things didn’t suffer or feel it’s injuries. I won’t go into detail as some of the people who read this may be a tad squeamish.

Needless to say I cried my heart out when I got back into the car, back up the round, around the top roundabout and back into the works car park where I pick up a colleague and take them onto the site.

I feel sorry for the poor lady I called to get the facilities management team to collect the cat as this is what they do. It was not what she wanted for her first call in the morning and I can only hope that the calls that she got later on where much nicer.

The thing is, this is not the first time I have done this. There is an animal carrier permanently in my car in case I come across an injured animal on the side of the road whether it be an owl or cat or any other critter. Is this normal?

The Car Parking Fairy

     Posted on February 25th, 2018 by batwench

I was reading the entry for todays date (25/2/18) in Llewellyn’s Witches Spell-A-Day Almanac (2018) and it was about The Parking Space Word. I do not have a parking space word of my own but I do have The Car Parking Fairy (CPF).

So what does the CPF do for you, I imagine that you are asking yourself? Well, what the CPF does is when you ask them, very politely, “Oh CPF please help me find a parking space”, low and behold one appears. Once you have parked in that space it is very important that you thank the CPF or else no more help will be given in the future.

Now, Mad Welsh Mam was up in Cumbria visiting me the other year and I did my normal shout out asking for help in finding a parking space. My mam laughed at me and said there is no such thing. Considering she is also part witch herself (although she will never admit it) I would have thought that she would be on board with me. Anyways, could we find a space, could we heck as like. So after prompting from me she apologised to the air in general “I am sorry CPF, please help us find a space”, low and behold we found one almost straight away. She also thanked her as I did. I have also gotten my hubby to do the same and he has good luck with spaces as well.

So believe in the Car Parking Fairy and they will believe in you.

Car Parking Fairy

(Image https://www.facebook.com/cairnsairport/photos/a.183330965055013.63088.177354438985999/1075463412508426/?type=3 (Accessed: 25/2/18))

20th Feb – No More Shit

     Posted on February 20th, 2018 by batwench

So why am I doing this? I know that I was loved as a child and am now loved by a man who, bless him, married me ten years ago. I keep on saying that he could have gotten less for manslaughter.

But the person that does not love me is myself. There is no reason in my past that I can put my finger on that says ‘that is the point where you thought you were never good enough, not worth the air that you breathe’.

However, in the early years of my 40’s I have decided enough is enough, I am fed up of kicking on myself in the way that characters in the books I read annoy me by not having backbones. Maybe they mirror myself in them. ‘Get a backbone’ I scream, you are not the victim that you make yourself out to be.

So I have turned this on myself. I am pissed off with myself, letting shit get in the way. After all I am only this collection of atoms in this configuration once in the whole of the span of time and bollocks to my fucked up brain chemistry. My mate’s dad named his cancer Nigel, so the hashtag #FuckYouNigel was generated. I have been known to call my dark days my Black Dog Days, after Winston Churchill’s reference to his depression days. So from now on in, my depression will be called Winston and I will change the hastag to #FuckYouWinston. I like dogs, don’t get me wrong but this one is more like a Hound of the Baskervilles dog, twisted and soul killing.

This is also a blog about #BodyPositivity. I am, lets put it bluntly, a FAT BIRD. I have lost some weight with the support of Slimming World over the last 18 months, and I know I will never be a size 10. None of our family on either side are skinny. But I have bugger all willpower and I know that I will be taking the scenic route to my desired weight. However, why on the way should I beat myself up about it, yes I may take my time in getting there and no, I am not looking to get to nine stone flat, I know that I am not capable of that. A size 18 will do for me thank you very much. Not sure what the scales will read when I reach that but I know that clothes sizes and weight are not a good match. Besides, I do actually like curves on me. Some women (and men) I know that have the opposite problem to myself and they get comments that they should put on weight. Is society that fickle, damned if you’re fat, damned if you are too thin.

So welcome to my journey, I may need you at time to read the map as I will be swearing at the steering wheel. Lets have a road trip.